Where we are now
by Carbon Insolence
Summary: Albus hates that he wants Scorpius more than he hates being gay and Scorpius has never gotten over the way his dad touched him. This is where they are now.


_**Authors Note:**__** This is a very dark fic. It contains rape, domestic violence ect. Don't read it if you don't want to see that sort of stuff.**_

1.

It's the summer before sixth year. Scorpius sneaks out of Malfoy Mansion at three something in the morning. He climbs out of his window, scales the roof, takes the leap, lands in the bushes, runs across the yard and into the arms of the last guy he ever thought he'd hang around with.

Albus kisses him hard on the lips and Scorpius cringes away.

"You taste like cheap booze."

Albus shrugs, lights a cigarette. "Tough shit, babydoll."

"Fuck off with the pet names, man. I'm not your fucking babydoll." Scorpius plucks the cigarette from Albus' fingers and takes a puff. "Are we going or what?"

"Of course, sweet thing."

"You're lucky I'm even coming with you, you fucking prick." Scorpius says.

Albus just grins, because he's a cocky little shit and he knows that while Scorpius means every word he says, it doesn't take away from the attraction they have to each other.

They're not a couple. Not really. Because Scorpius has a new, pretty Hufflepuff boyfriend and Albus swears he likes pussy and Quidditch. It's kind of fucked up, but the simple fact that they are who they are makes it so it can't be any other way.

The first time Albus saw Scorpius up close was fourth year, when he was buying fairy dust off him in the dungeons. Scorpius looked like a baby then, in his band t-shirts that he thought were so fucking cool. Albus looked like a twink who was trying so hard to look otherwise. They had a potions and transfiguration together the next year and their first actual conversation went like this:

"Is that a tattoo?" asked Scorpius.

"Yeah. What's it to you?"

"Nothing."

"Then keep your eyes over there."

"Fuck you."

"You're a feisty little faggot, aren't you?"

"Yeah. But by the way you're staring at my ass, I'd say you're the faggot."

Next thing Scorpius knows, Albus is on his knees, begging to suck Scorpius off.

It's funny how things work sometimes.

Anyway, Scorpius only does it because Albus is a good lay. All that pent up aggression about being so, irrevocably, homosexual means that he fucks until he's drenched in sweat and Scorpius has to beg him to stop. It means that when he's bent over, he becomes the biggest cock-slut in the world, so long as Scorpius doesn't tell anyone about it. So, it became a routine after a while because it's easy. No feelings except for resentment and sexual attraction. Albus usually comes to his dorm at random times in the middle of the night, expecting Scorpius to be waiting up for him or something when he knows that's not the case. Albus is a convenience with a willing mouth and a big dick, that's all. Scorpius's just bored and desperate enough to go with it and his pretty Hufflepuff boyfriend hasn't put out in weeks so it only makes even more sense to use the services Albus provides.

"Are we going back to your place or what?" Scorpius asks. "It's freezing."

"We're going to see my mom first, if that's okay with you." Albus says.

()

The cemetery is clear across town. Scorpius's been there a few times, once to bury his grandmother, once to drink and smoke on Halloween before he started first year when he thought it was cool to do shit like that, and twice with Albus.

They carry a bottle of fire whiskey down the path and Albus squeezes it through the gate before he hops over, using the brick wall next to it as leverage. Scorpius climbs up after him with ease and lands a little less gracefully than he was hoping he would. He shakes out his twisted ankle as Albus picks up the bottle and lights another cigarette. In silence, they start through the grass, stepping over and around headstones until they get to the one they're looking for.

Albus sits in front of it and opens the fire whiskey.

When they first did this, Scorpius didn't get it. First off, it's not like he and Albus really have that 'sharing deepest, darkest secrets' kind of relationship. Not really, anyway.

Besides that, it's weird because Albus basically sits there at his mom's grave and talks about all the shitty things he has to put up with since she's been gone and then he says something like "You were a cunt when you were alive. But I'd trade you for Dad any day." He talks about his fucked up home life and all Scorpius can think about is how everyone has a shitty home life. He's got a dad in prison and a mom that cares too much, so being unhappy is right up his alley.

Albus is always drunk when they do this, or halfway there. The only thing that matters to Scorpius is that he can get it up later and doesn't get soft before Scorpius gets his nut.

Scorpius doesn't really like to drink as much as Albus does; he prefers fairy dust and the occasional pixie pill to blur the edges enough to get him through the day. When Albus gets too wasted Scorpius holds him and drags him back to his dorm. Not because he gives a shit about Albus, but because it's just a decent thing to do, even though neither of them are decent people.

Anyway, Albus is venting to his dead mom about his fucked up family and Scorpius knows that when he's all out of words, he'll turn to Scorpius and kiss him.

When he doesn't, and the world goes silent around them, Scorpius nudges him with his elbows. "What's up? Are we done here?"

"My mom would have been disappointed to know that I'm gay," he says.

Scorpius pauses, takes a sip of fire whiskey, then shrugs. "If you like cock, you like cock. It's nothing you can change. And you know, speaking of cock, mine was pretty hard before you started talking about your little sister and shit."

Albus scoffs, shakes his head. "You're so fucking selfish, man."

Scorpius scoffs right back. "Yeah? That means you're just as selfish. If not more."

"You're a fucking asshole," he says. He puts out his cigarette on his mom's headstone and gets to his feet. "Let's go. I wanna fuck you until you cry."

()

Albus' bedroom is on the other side of the house to the others. Still, Scorpius wonders how they've never woken up the whole house with how loud they can be. He knows he is a moaner, and Albus is so loud sometimes that he has Scorpius's ears ringing.

"It's filthy in here," Scorpius utters, once he's settled on the bed. There are little piles of clothes all over the floor and a toast crusts that's probably been there for weeks sitting on the dresser.

Albus takes off his shirt and kicks off his shoes. "Do you always have something negative to say?"

"Most of the time," Scorpius responds, pulling his t-shirt over his head. "You act like you're the shining image of positivity."

"It's funny how you insult me and then ask for my cock," Albus says.

"Right. Just making sure that you know that we're not friends."

Albus laughs. "I never thought we were friends."

"Good. Just reminding you."

"I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like you anyway," Albus says, crawling up next to Scorpius on the bed. "You're terrible."

"For the second time tonight, you've failed to realize that you're just as fucked up as I am. Which is why we're here."

Albus' cocky smirk falls as he says, "You think you're better than me."

"No," Scorpius laughs. "You think that I think I'm better than you. I don't think anything of myself. Which is why I'm fucking around with a self-hating, pseudo confident, piece of shit like you."

"Okay, I may be a piece of shit but at least I'm not a skanky little faggot that maybe enjoyed getting touched by his dad a little too much."

Before Scorpius is angry, he's hurt. It's not even a low blow, it's the lowest fucking blow Albus could even go for. After Scorpius is angry, he's distraught.

"Fuck you."

He gets to his feet and snatches his clothes and shoes off the floor. Albus follows after him, blocking the door.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm fucking leaving! What does it look like I'm doing! So you need to get out of my way before I break your fucking nose."

"C'mon, Scorpius... I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. You don't need to be so hostile about it."

"Oh fuck off! How fucking dare you? You can't say shit about me... about my dad and expect things to be fine. You know what he did to me. It's not fair to bring that up and you fucking know that!" He's so pissed that tears brim his eyes and when he blinks, they roll down his cheeks. The thing that he hates the most is Albus probably thinks he's sad.

He snakes his arm around Scorpius's waist. "Shh, babe. I know, I know. I'm sorry."

Scorpius shakes him off and shoves him against the door. He's fuming now; it feels like his skin is on fire. "Don't you fucking touch me. The biggest fucking mistake you'll make in your life is touching me without my permission."

And it's like Albus can feel Scorpius's blood boiling because he backs off a little, raising his hands up in defence.

"And I'm not you're fucking babe. I will never be your 'babe.' I have no interest in being anything of yours. I don't care how entitled you think you are. You think you're hot shit and can say whatever you want because you have a big cock and can throw a quaffle really far? That means nothing to me. I fuck you because you're weak. You're fucking weak and you hate yourself so much that it's easy for me. You hate that you love cock so you pick up someone like me, who you think is so desperate to get laid by Mr. Quidditch Captain that he won't tell anyone his secret. But you don't know me well enough to know that I don't give a shit about my reputation and I don't give a shit about you. Call me a slut, call me a whore, call me a cheater, call me whatever you want, it's probably true. But just know that I can ruin you."

Albus stands there with his fists and jaw clenched. He doesn't move, nor does he say anything for what feels like a long time. When he finally opens his mouth he speaks quietly.

"I hate you."

"Good," Scorpius says. "Because I hate you too."

"I hate you so fucking much Scorpius. I hate that I want you more than I hate that I'm gay. If it was someone else, some other guy, it would be different. But it had to be you. You're the worst person I've ever met and I fucking hate that I've wanted you since I first saw you."

"That sounds like more of a personal problem," Scorpius responds. "But now that we're established that we hate each other, you should let me out because I'm about to start screaming in a few seconds."

At that, Albus claps and hand over Scorpius's mouth and wraps his other arm around his waist. Immediately, Scorpius tries to push him off but it's futile because Albus is stronger than he looks. He holds Scorpius nearly still with one arm and stifles his voice with his free hand, walking him towards the bed. The second Albus pushes him down, he tries to stand up, only get shoved bac,k down again.

Scorpius sits up, holding up a hand. "I don't know what you think you're doing but it needs to stop right fucking now."

Albus stays silent, but climbs onto the bed, crawling up between Scorpius's legs. Scorpius crawls backwards until he reaches the edge and Albus grabs him by the waist, pulling him closer.

"Get the fuck off me!" he shouts, kicking and punching all he can. Albus takes all the hits with a smirk and straddles Scorpius's hips to hold him down. He takes hold of Scorpius's wrists and squeezes, leaning down to kiss Scorpius hard on the mouth.

"Fuck you," Scorpius grunts, once again trying to kick and squirm his way out of Albus' grip. When he sees that stupid, cocky grin playing on Albus' lips, he's disgusted.

So, he spits. Albus only laughs and uses his arms to wipe his face. "You feisty little shit."

When Scorpius screams, at the top of his lungs, Albus shoves his fingers in Scorpius's mouth and holds down his tongue. The other hand wraps around his throat. "Shhh. Hey. Shut the fuck up."

Albus isn't smiling anymore and that's what scares Scorpius the most. He bites down as hard as he can and Albus snatches his hand away, wincing. "You bitch," he hisses and he slaps Scorpius across the face so hard so Scorpius's vision goes white.

"You think you can hurt me more than I can hurt you?" Albus growls. His grip around Scorpius's neck tightens. "You're so fucking wrong. I can destroy you. I can make you want to die."

"Too late," Scorpius chokes out. "I already want to die."

Albus kisses him again, forcing his lips open with his tongue. Scorpius tastes fire whiskey and malice. Albus' blue eyes are sharp when he locks them with Scorpius's. He climbs off of him and for a moment, Scorpius thinks he's being let go, but that's before Albus is flipping him over onto his front and straddling the back of his thighs.

He panics because he thought this would never happen again. He thought it was over.

Scorpius grips the edge of the bed, using all the strength left in him to try and get away. But Albus is already yanking down Scorpius's tight jeans and tiny little briefs and spreading him with his fingers, slimy with spit. He's rough because he's trying to prove a point. So, Scorpius grits his teeth and takes it when Albus pushes his face into the mattress and calls him a slut. Scorpius isn't nearly ready enough when Albus breeches him. He isn't even hard; he can't be when this is all so familiar. His cry is muffled by the duvet. He can hear Albus' heavy breathing.

It burns. It fucking burns like nothing Scorpius has every felt, worse than anything his dad ever did to him.

Albus has to feel that too, how much it hurts, but he keeps going. He shoves his cock in to the hilt and drags it out painfully slow. Scorpius feels Albus' fingers trembling at the small of his back and the other hand gripping a tuft of hair at the nape of his neck.

He feels like he's suffocating, with not even enough air to scream or sob. As Albus stuffs himself back in, Scorpius tries to think about something else.

He thinks about dying. He thinks about jumping off a bridge, off a building, of a broomstick. He thinks about being so high that he can't feel a thing. While he's being ripped in two, he thinks about love and how he's never had it. Instead he has what Albus is giving him and puppy dog infatuation from his pretty Hufflepuff boyfriend. He's never had someone really care; he's never had someone really hold him. Albus just fucks him relentlessly, grunting and thrusting, and destroying and instead of love, Scorpius has warm cum dripping down his thigh and his body wracked with sobs that he can't even get out get out of his chest.

For a long time, Scorpius lies there crying and trying to breathe through the tears that are drowning him. He's dizzy and nauseous and he feels like he's eleven years old and someone is getting ready to say to him: "Remember, Scorpius. Don't tell mommy."

The bed creaks beneath him and then it's quiet except for his shallow breaths.

Finally, Albus' soft voice. "Scorpius?"

Scorpius turns his head, cranes his neck to look.

There are tears streaking Albus' cheeks and his eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot. "I'm sorry," he says. And he whispers it again and again until he's breaking down, cracking right down the middle, because he's so fucking weak. Is he expecting things to be fine? Does he expect them to hug it out and then get high together? Does he expect Scorpius to not hate him with every fiber of his being? Scorpius doesn't forgive anyone and he'd rather cut off his own dick than forgive Albus.

Albus is on his knees and sobbing. Scorpius has seen Albus cry before, held him when he sobbed before. This is different. Albus is hysterical.

Scorpius struggles to his feet, biting his lip against the pain that shoots up his spine, and pulls up his jeans. He wipes his tears on the hem of his t-shirt and then slips it on. As he puts his shoes on, Albus' cries grow louder and so do his pleads.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.I'msosorryI'msofuckingsorry. Oh god, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry now? God, you're pathetic." Scorpius stands up tall, puts his tough face back on, even though he feels like falling to his knees and crying with him, and goes to the door.

"Scorpius, please don't...baby..."

"You can go fuck yourself, honey."

_**Authors Note:**__** To be continued **_


End file.
